Herceptin # 18: The End of the Treatment Road

Wow...I don't even know where to begin on this one. I walked into the chemo room sick, with a fever and unprepared for the words "This is your last treatment." Thinking that I had one more according to my calendar schedule from Dr. G. it was evident that this was the alarming reality. The nurse liason quickly checked with my oncologist before coming back into the room with her proclamation as we all stared at her and waited with bated breath - "Yes, it's official, this is your last treatment!"

Silence. Gasp. "What?" Tears.

I couldn't believe it and reacted immediately by slapping the chemo chair arm and demanded that the nurse go back to Dr. G. with a message from me - "You go tell Dr. G. that I am NOT prepared for this!"

But as the Herceptin scheduling Gods would have it....this was indeed the end of the treatment road for me. Not knowing at all how to feel, the tears just started to slowly stream down my face as I looked into Hil's eyes. She knew that I had been dreading this day as it would be the transition to cancer independence. Along with the band of 'Purple Angels' chemo staff around me, I simply couldn't contain my tears, but thankfully and strangely, the ambiance was quite peaceful during this not-so-frequent occurrence - an empty chemo room.

Never in my year of treatment have I walked by or into that room being the sole patient as it was usually filled to the brim with people, yet this day I was. This further added to the somber and lonely feeling I quickly had when I received the news of this last treatment. Was the universe conspiring with me on this last day? I frankly didn't know how to feel as a flood of emotions welled up inside of me. Happy. Sad. Surprised. Shocked. Frantic.

Hil immediately started taking pictures, filming and hiding behind the camera as she too didn't know how to take the news. The chemo staff didn't blink an eye as they have become used to her filming and documenting my journey, but this day had her privately retreating behind the lens. The only thing she said she knew to do.

I was, as I professed at the onset of my treatment, utterly unprepared for this. All I wanted to do was to curl up into Martha's lap and cry my eyes out and never open them up again. The best chemo-purple-angel-humanitarian in THE world! AND...so happened that my last day of treatment was her birthday - a day I will never forget.

Then came a ray of sunshine that walked through the door by the name of Lorena, one of my new 'breast friends' that I've had the great pleasure of getting to know these past few months. Going through a second breast cancer diagnosis herself, I felt as if my reinforcement showed up just in the nick of time. LUV this gal and her spunky attitude! So we spent the remaining time, just the two of us in those chairs, laughing, crying and sitting in silence. Exactly what I needed.

Then, my other 'breast friend' Marion came in briefly to bring Hil and I some sweet treats - flourless, sugarless, dairy-free cookies. Wow, I was overcome by more love and support. A surprise visit, this other lovely is a special one too and someone I immediately connected with at her first chemo appointment a couple of months ago. More reinforcement in the form of love. Couldn't ask for anything more.

As for my final exit out of that room with hugs, love and tears, I held my new chest up high and walked out that door. Promising to come back as a 'Chemo Concierge' to pay it forward, I looked at the lovely Martha who said with her beautiful big smile - "Now get out and stay out!"

'We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us'

-E.M. Forster

Herceptin #16: Just Another Day at the Spa!

My friend and sister-in-cancer Carla, suggested that we should call our trips to treatment 'A Day at the Spa.' She goes to a spa in LA called City of Hope while my spa further up the coast, is called the Cancer Center of Santa Barbara.

After my brilliant friend advised that we use this new terminology, I quickly mulled it over and agreed, this is totally like a day at the spa! I get to sit in a lounge/recliner chair, I'm brought warm blankets to snuggle in, I'm greeted and pampered like I'm an A-list celeb, I get to hang out with some pretty awesome peeps (Martha, Debi, Kimba, Socorro, Amber), a lady comes around offering tea, coffee and treats and if I'm lucky, I get to sneak in a short nap while I relax. So yes, this is indeed a day at the spa!

I also had the lucky chance encounter to sit next to a new day spa guest and her groovy husband, which added greatly to my spa treatment experience. Being around others in this....uhm....'sisterhood,' makes my day at the spa even more meaningful.

So hats off to all of my fellow spa guests because this signature treatment left me with a more settled feeling that I really needed as I am still making every attempt to make friends with the side effects and this journey. Now if they could only serve up a little champagne to go with that Herceptin infusion bag, it would round off the whole spa treatment experience ever so perfectly!

Lastly, it goes without saying, that I think the Cancer Center of Santa Barbara ROCKS! Thank you to my wonderful Purple, Chemo Angels along with Dr. G., Amanda, Martha (who always takes 2lbs off my weigh-in!), Christy, Sam, Tammy, Joanna, Elvira and all the gals at the front desk. You make my treatments at the spa, well.... faaaabuulous little darlings!

Chemo #5: On the Home Stretch!

Me rockin' my Sponge Bob beanie next to my rock star chemo nurse, Martha

Yesterday's chemo #5 had so many special moments wrapped up into one that I hardly know where to start.

For obvious reasons in my family's mind, yesterday marked 14 years since my dad unexpectedly passed away.  And as he always used to say, "All the best and most important things happen in June... Father's Day, Flag Day and my birthday!" So, of course he timed it so he passed away in June. Just one more time to prove his point of the significance of this month so of course, I dedicated this treatment to him, his strength, his humor and sensitivity. I knew he was by my side as both tears and laughter hit me throughout the day.

On another note, it was my niece Maddie's 5th birthday (Hannah's younger sister) who is psyched to be aging slightly as she is gearing up for Kindergarten in the fall. A fun yet slightly nervous anticipation for her.

And as kids go, I decided to sport a beanie that my 11 year-old neighbor, Sam brought over to me. In fact, he traipsed across the driveway about a month ago with a basket full of groovy yet boyish beanies for me to borrow for my head. I finally came down to 2 of them and made my way back across to his house a few days ago asking him which one I should wear for my next treatment as I held them both up for his final viewing and vote - "Flames or Sponge Bob?" And without an ounce of hesitation, he just gave me a firm nod from across the room and said "Sponge Bob!" So, there you have it. And may I also say that I have never received so many complements from the cancer center staff and fellow chemo-mates about my headgear as I did yesterday.

And as usual, Julie-Bunny did a quick surprise drive by to say a loving hello and to hold my hand during the infusion as Hil took a quick break for herself. So, we kicked her out yet again with her Kindle in hand for some prime reading time. But as always, Julie brought a bundle of love and care along with a video from her boys who keep sending me awesome songs to lift my spirits. They are such talented young boys and I simply love the sweet gesture and their costumes (leather jackets, bling & caps). So, we sent one back two days ago and apparently we are now in a video sing-off with this testosterone trio. Bring it on boys, we're ready!

All in all, it was a pretty good chemo day. Great staff, my dad by my side, a new arm to poke and infuse and my old meds to help with the 'ol nausea. So, pray to the Chemo Gods for me that this round goes much easier and that I'll be up and ready to roll for my last chemo on July 17th!