Let's not get all dramatic now - been there, done that!. But it looks like this gal is going to join the chemo club and the bald ladies society!
As of Monday, both my UCLA and Santa Barbara oncologists handed down the final verdict after a couple of rounds of Herceptin testing on the mastectomy tissue. Getting the call was surreal to say the least as I held it together just long enough to play big-girl on my end of the phone conversation with Dr. G. But the second we said our goodbyes, I lost it! And by lost it, I mean I wailed and sobbed so hard and loud I'm sure my neighbors were ready to call 911 from three blocks away.
Now, I don't tell you this so that you can throw a pity-party in my honor, but I tell you this bit because let me just say, that when you think you're coming out of the woods with this whole round-freaking-three of breast cancer this is not the news that one desires to hear. And while again, I had that gut feeling about the strong possibility of chemo, hearing the words brings new light to the phrase "fighting for your life!"
After I hung up, I slowly looked at Hil in the eyes as she stood by the side of my bed when abruptly that primal cry from beyond took over both me and my body. Trying her lovingly best to console me, I felt that I had no control over what I intuitively knew was long and coming. Calling my mom to see if that would calm me down, I still couldn't stop the wailng as Hil simultaneously held the phone to my ear while clutching my body with her free arm so that I could hear my mom's calm, and loving voice on the other end.
Fast forward five days and suddenly it hit me! Wait a minute, chemo is my CURE! Hellllooo! This is what I've wanted - a final chance to kick cancer's a$$! Forget the pink culture, race for the cures and breast cancer awareness month (October in case you were wondering), this is grassroots, people! Me. I'm it. One breast cancer fight at a time (insert Rocky music here).
So, I'm pulling myself up by my bootstraps, prepping my pre-chemo body with herbs and getting myself in the best mental and emotional place I can in anticipation of April 3rd. Next week I'll be getting a portacath ('port') placed into my upper chest to make the next year of chemo and Herceptin treatments easier on my post-mastectomy veins and I'm ready to roll.
I may not always have my current kick-a$$ attitude, but I'll really try my best. It's a humbling experience to say the least and I may (ahem) actually have to ask for some help from some of you. But if I'm down, I just ask that you be gentle with my spirit and body and let me work through it. I'll come out of it, no worries - I promise. Because after all, I'm a Sagittarius AND genetically unstoppable!