Herceptin # 18: The End of the Treatment Road

Wow...I don't even know where to begin on this one. I walked into the chemo room sick, with a fever and unprepared for the words "This is your last treatment." Thinking that I had one more according to my calendar schedule from Dr. G. it was evident that this was the alarming reality. The nurse liason quickly checked with my oncologist before coming back into the room with her proclamation as we all stared at her and waited with bated breath - "Yes, it's official, this is your last treatment!"

Silence. Gasp. "What?" Tears.

I couldn't believe it and reacted immediately by slapping the chemo chair arm and demanded that the nurse go back to Dr. G. with a message from me - "You go tell Dr. G. that I am NOT prepared for this!"

But as the Herceptin scheduling Gods would have it....this was indeed the end of the treatment road for me. Not knowing at all how to feel, the tears just started to slowly stream down my face as I looked into Hil's eyes. She knew that I had been dreading this day as it would be the transition to cancer independence. Along with the band of 'Purple Angels' chemo staff around me, I simply couldn't contain my tears, but thankfully and strangely, the ambiance was quite peaceful during this not-so-frequent occurrence - an empty chemo room.

Never in my year of treatment have I walked by or into that room being the sole patient as it was usually filled to the brim with people, yet this day I was. This further added to the somber and lonely feeling I quickly had when I received the news of this last treatment. Was the universe conspiring with me on this last day? I frankly didn't know how to feel as a flood of emotions welled up inside of me. Happy. Sad. Surprised. Shocked. Frantic.

Hil immediately started taking pictures, filming and hiding behind the camera as she too didn't know how to take the news. The chemo staff didn't blink an eye as they have become used to her filming and documenting my journey, but this day had her privately retreating behind the lens. The only thing she said she knew to do.

I was, as I professed at the onset of my treatment, utterly unprepared for this. All I wanted to do was to curl up into Martha's lap and cry my eyes out and never open them up again. The best chemo-purple-angel-humanitarian in THE world! AND...so happened that my last day of treatment was her birthday - a day I will never forget.

Then came a ray of sunshine that walked through the door by the name of Lorena, one of my new 'breast friends' that I've had the great pleasure of getting to know these past few months. Going through a second breast cancer diagnosis herself, I felt as if my reinforcement showed up just in the nick of time. LUV this gal and her spunky attitude! So we spent the remaining time, just the two of us in those chairs, laughing, crying and sitting in silence. Exactly what I needed.

Then, my other 'breast friend' Marion came in briefly to bring Hil and I some sweet treats - flourless, sugarless, dairy-free cookies. Wow, I was overcome by more love and support. A surprise visit, this other lovely is a special one too and someone I immediately connected with at her first chemo appointment a couple of months ago. More reinforcement in the form of love. Couldn't ask for anything more.

As for my final exit out of that room with hugs, love and tears, I held my new chest up high and walked out that door. Promising to come back as a 'Chemo Concierge' to pay it forward, I looked at the lovely Martha who said with her beautiful big smile - "Now get out and stay out!"

'We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us'

-E.M. Forster

Herceptin #17: Gasp!

Me, Patrick and Cancer Warrior - Marion

Well, this treatment left the entire chemo room startled as I gasped so loudly in the middle of my infusion that it sent the whole chemo nursing staff starting to run my way. But, as I put both of my hands up in the air quickly saying "I'm OK! I'm OK!" - it made me realize just how attentive my purple angels are to me and to all of the other patients they so selflessly serve.

Now here's the funny part (ya gotta know with me, there's always a funny part). What the nurses weren't privy to before I let out my apparently loud gasp, was the 10-minute conversation we had prior to my breathy outburst of expression.  A fellow breast cancer warrior (Marion), her husband Patrick, Hil  and I, were swapping stories about all of the stupid things people have said to us when Marion divulged one of the most shocking statements I've heard to date. And not to get anyone in trouble or anything (her mom!), but man, people can really utter and hypothesize some inappropriate conjecture (AKA, say some stupid sh*t!) in the face of a health crisis.

With that being said, may I just say, WHO IN THE HELL, tells you that "maybe those chemo medicines will finally help you lose that extra weight!" Seriously?! I am not blowing smoke up your I.V. infusion pole here, this sorry statement is sadly true. But, PS mommy dearest, your daughter happens to be one of the most beautiful, tall, slender, fashionable women I have ever met in the face of cancer. And one that is truly rocking her beautiful bald look. And clearly, she doesn't have a single 'lb' to lose! Oh, and one more thing, her name is the name of one of my favorite cousins that I grew up with, so back off Barbie!

But after the chemo room staff stopped in their tracks, they looked at me with such curiosity and bewilderment until the head purple angel (Martha) said, "We take gasps very seriously around here!" Pause..... and then we all started laughing before I quickly explained the tale behind my sudden outburst.

Head Purple Angel - Martha

And lastly, I know you've heard this before, but I find this time a worthy moment to remind you to follow one of the golden rules in life: If you have nothing nice to say, THEN DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL! Period. Done. End of story.

On a final note, may I say we all ended laughing so hard at all of the quips we have heard, that we finally just all sat in silence for a few seconds before looking at each other again and bursting into laughter in unison once more. And there you have it, laughter, one of the many silver linings of cancer.

So, with that, I'll just leave you with a link to my do's and dont's about what to say to a cancer patient along with a quote that you might find helpful next time you're feeling the need to speak your mind:

"Diplomacy is more than saying or doing the right things at the right time, it is avoiding saying or doing the wrong things at any time"

Herceptin #16: Just Another Day at the Spa!

My friend and sister-in-cancer Carla, suggested that we should call our trips to treatment 'A Day at the Spa.' She goes to a spa in LA called City of Hope while my spa further up the coast, is called the Cancer Center of Santa Barbara.

After my brilliant friend advised that we use this new terminology, I quickly mulled it over and agreed, this is totally like a day at the spa! I get to sit in a lounge/recliner chair, I'm brought warm blankets to snuggle in, I'm greeted and pampered like I'm an A-list celeb, I get to hang out with some pretty awesome peeps (Martha, Debi, Kimba, Socorro, Amber), a lady comes around offering tea, coffee and treats and if I'm lucky, I get to sneak in a short nap while I relax. So yes, this is indeed a day at the spa!

I also had the lucky chance encounter to sit next to a new day spa guest and her groovy husband, which added greatly to my spa treatment experience. Being around others in this....uhm....'sisterhood,' makes my day at the spa even more meaningful.

So hats off to all of my fellow spa guests because this signature treatment left me with a more settled feeling that I really needed as I am still making every attempt to make friends with the side effects and this journey. Now if they could only serve up a little champagne to go with that Herceptin infusion bag, it would round off the whole spa treatment experience ever so perfectly!

Lastly, it goes without saying, that I think the Cancer Center of Santa Barbara ROCKS! Thank you to my wonderful Purple, Chemo Angels along with Dr. G., Amanda, Martha (who always takes 2lbs off my weigh-in!), Christy, Sam, Tammy, Joanna, Elvira and all the gals at the front desk. You make my treatments at the spa, well.... faaaabuulous little darlings!