Herceptin #12: All In a Day's Work

Get in, get my 'pacman medicine' - get out! Well, not exactly that quick, but that's pretty much the routine these days. This process still takes a few hours but we're definitely getting this down to a science. I do my 'good intentions' at the beginning of each treatment, pose for my personal chemo room paparazzi (Hil!) and negotiate with the chemo nursing staff to slow down the drip a little so I can fit in that all important snooze towards the end of the treatment that I feel coming on. And hats off to Socorro for doing an awesome job and getting the right vein the first go-round. It's been a little challenging lately to get that infusion needle in there on the first try, but the Vein-Gods were on my side this time. Whew and thank you!

As usual for Hil, she spent much of her time taking photos, getting me warm blankets and pillows and helping out the other patients. She is so great with elderly people and the other patients and it shows. I'm sure the chemo nursing staff would love to put her on payroll as a 'Chemo Room Concierge' as she's quite good at it.

It was such a beautiful day, that after Herceptin treatment #12 and before my next medical appointment, we headed over to our favorite park in Santa Barbara for some R & R, a little photog fun for Hil and just some much-needed time with Mother Nature. She was good to us this day and showed her sunny and warm side during our break at the park. The ducks were adorable, the leaves on the trees glorious and the grass smelled wonderful. As Hil always reminds me, it's the simple things in life that fill us up and we left the park that day with both of our emotional tanks full.

Next stop in our full day was a follow-up appointment with my lovely and wonderful plastic surgeon, Dr. Julio Soares. As standard procedure (ahem!), I wait for he and Hil to finish their camera, lenses and F-stop convo before he takes a peek at his skillful work on me. They are so funny in their all-consuming chit-chat about this subject but I've become quite used to it after a year. Plus, Dr. Soares was leaving the next day for a two-week trip to India and he had some pressing questions about lighting. But past that, he was quite pleased with my progress and finally admitted that my case was one of the hardest to date. But aside from that, we were all pleased with the outcome and I for one, am forever grateful to him for not only his skillful work but his level of sensitivity and care.

Driving home at last after a full and productive day. I cannot say enough how extremely grateful I am for this day, my progress, my medical peeps, Hil's love and care and a beautiful sunset. Life is indeed, good to me.

One Year Later...

Breast Cancer Phone Stats:  Repeat - NEVER! Alert - NONE! 

What a difference a year makes. Never in my wildest imagination, dreams or nightmares would I have ever thought I would be marking a solid year of breast cancer yet again. And when I reflect back on this past year's events of getting another diagnosis, surgeries, chemo and numerous doctor's appointments, I can still hardly digest it all.  But in contrast and to keep my mind from reeling over the past 12 months, I instead choose to focus my attention elsewhere, and that's with gratitude.

So, here I go as I did in one of my first ever posts last year - my gratitude to my universe of peeps.

I am grateful for my family for their endless love, humor, grace and support that they have given to me through both the highs and lows. They've seen me at my best and at my absolute worst. I couldn't ask for a more loving mom, sister, bro-in law, niece, nephew & 'J.' I am also very grateful to Hil's family for their love, humor and skills (and boy do they have skills!) - thank you Natey-Nate (wickedly funny!), Christine (sister-in-law & pharmacist extraordinaire!), Marcus (Boob engineer), Shawna (Words With Friends champ!) and 'da Mama' & Steve! I'm grateful for my 'Babysitting Posse' (Donna, Kim S., Miss O., Deb, Sam, Dolores, Donna, Maureen, Jack, My Angela, Cheri, Val, Nessa, Dana). I am grateful to new and old friends who supported me to the moon and back, Julie-Bunny, Cath, Susan & Sydney & Cynthia! Wow, you five could run this country! I am uber grateful to my 'Kid Posse' that continues to inspire me through their sweet honesty, beanies, and a 'who cares that you're bald and have cancer' mentality - Miss O., Little Mister Cash (who has finally stopped calling me 'shiny head!'), the Strand boys, Sam, Jack, Kai, Alex, Chloe, Zoe, Maddie, Hannah, Ethan and Eli. I am so very grateful to my 'Work Posse' and THE best boss I have ever had in my life!! Thank you 'Saint Silvia,' Wlady, Rosa, Donna, 'A,' Grace, Crystal, Gaby, Suzanne, Mari, the TCRC ladies and 25 others!  I am grateful for all the dinners provided to us when I could barely tolerate a sugar-free jello cup - so, hats off to the Sanfords, the Clawsons, the Beltrans, the Halls, the Joyce's and VAN (you know who you are!). I am VERY grateful to my 'Cancer Center Posse' for lifting my spirits every couple of weeks from the moment I walk into the building to the time that I leave - so thank you Tammy S., Sam, Joanna, Martha, Martha B., Amber (I miss seeing you!) Amanda, Dr. G., Socorro, and Kimba! You people ROCK! I am grateful for my longterm caregivers who came from near and far (Sweden) and who used their vacation days, sacrificed family time and who gave wholeheartedly to my care - thank you Aleesh, Jane, Denise, Kim & Eric, Mom, Deidre, Mama and the 'Swedes' (Micke, Lollo, Oscar, Johanna!). I am also beyond grateful to my amazing medical 'Healing Dream Team' - Dr. Soares, Dr. Grafton & Dr. Greenwald - they are freaking AWESOME! And lastly, my cup runneth over with gratitude, love and support for Hil. I can't even begin to find a proper word for the level of caregiving I have received from her over this past year. It is a very difficult job to provide caregiving to a cancer patient 24/7. So MWAH and gratitude to her, all of you and many more that I hope my chemo-brain has not forgotten.

And finally, but equally important, I have immense gratitude for my health, my life and my imminent future. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, just right now.

Herceptin #11: BOO!

By now, my new friends at the Cancer Center have learned one thing about me - expect the unexpected. And, never underestimate the power of a little humor as it truly can carry one through difficult and dark times. Hence, the hats for Herceptin treatment #11.

Delightful and humorous, simply said, these hats that neighbor Sam gave me came in handy just in time for not only Halloween, but for the diversion I was looking for 4 days post-reconstruction surgery and for some gnarly pain. And because of that, may I openly and honestly admit that I don't recall much about this day, my treatment or the hats (Thank yoooouuuu Norco 10, Ativan annnnnd Tramadol).

High on life (and apparently pain meds), this treatment went swimmingly well and smooth according to my mom and Hil. And while I value a sharp mind and memory, undeniably, I didn't have much of either for Herceptin #11 or for that entire day for that matter. For all I know, I showed the chemo staff and the room full of my newest, elderly friends, the 'New Girls' (Oh, how I hope that isn't the case!).

And so here's how the day went down according to Hil, my mom and the pictures that I found on the computer just yesterday - a genuine surprise.

First stop, an appointment with my oncologist which was quickly followed up with my Herceptin treatment in the chemo room (again, I only know this because of the pictures you see above that I found on the computer yesterday). Second stop, lunch with Julie-Bunny at her house for some lovely soup (so I hear), great company and stimulating conversation (I recall NO.THING! - Sorry Julie). And my last stop was to my post-surgery appointment where my acute memory (vaguely recalled yesterday) of the conversation the three of us had (subtext: a lecture from Hil and my mom) in the parking lot as we were walking into the medical building to see Dr. Soares. Apparently, it went down something like this:

HIL: Ma, we HAVE to make sure Yog walks in there like she's off her pain meds because the nurse doesn't want her to be on any and will chew her out if she suspects anything!
MY MOM: Okay, what should we do?
HIL: We need to give her more coffee!
MY MOM: Did you hear what Hil said, Yog? Drink the coffee. Quick!
ME: What are we doing here?
HIL: Yog, I'm, serious, stand up straight, don't talk much, open your eyes and act like you're really alert.
MY MOM: Shouldn't she be able to walk in on her own, Hil?
HIL: Yeah. Well, we'll just get her up the ramp to the front door of the building and then have her walk into the office on her own.
MY MOM: Got it. Sounds good. Did you hear that Yog?
ME: Oh yeah. I just love Dr. Soares. He's the best ever!

Stellar performance with Dr. Soares and his nurse - check. And from what I found out yesterday and after looking through all of the pictures, the appointment went very well and the doctor was extremely pleased with the outcome of my reconstruction surgery and recovery.

Moral of this story: Ignorance is bliss.

Goodbye Expanders -Hellllooo New Girls!

Click and Enjoy the Show!
Music: 'Butterflier' from A Movable West

After months of waiting, and watching my original implant due date come and go, I finally welcomed the 'New Girls' on Friday, October 26th! And no, do not expect the pink announcement in the mail giving all the details like "They're twins." "Weighing in at 425cc's." "October 26, 2012 at 7:15am." "Santa Barbara, California.' Nope, not going to happen.

And long gone are the days of the uncomfortable-hard-as-rocks faux breasts from those gnarly expanders that have been in place since last January. And, as luck would have it, I am actually one of the first patients in Santa Barbara to receive the new FDA gel-filled breast implants with the new outer casing and durability. Feeling like a true breast cancer patient pioneer!

I know, I know, a bit of an 'overshare' on my part but hey, the days of being timid about the 'Girls' are so over. But, I've had every doctor, nurse, intern, surgeon and friend take a peak at my front side over the last year, so by now, the subject is clearly no longer taboo for me. A little nip and tuck here, liposuction there to even them out, half a foot of stitches there and 2 hours later - VOILA!

But all kidding aside, I once again had an entire team of medical staff and family by my side to see me through this next step in the journey. Both nurses Barbara and Joe, were at my bedside yet again as they were for the double mastectomy surgery. Mindy, the surgical nurse was again cracking us all up with her hilarious jokes and iPhone pics of past Halloween costumes. Dr. Soares, surgeon extraordinaire, who was by my side gently holding onto my arm,  promised me and the nurses that he did his morning 'Surgical Zen ritual' and that he was completely prepared for my procedure.

And last, but definitely NOT least, was the loving presence of Hil and my mom by me every step of the way that Friday. Snapping pictures, holding my hand, helping me get into a good space with releasing, breathing and meditation, both walked by my side as I was wheeled into the surgery room. I couldn't have done it, or would have had it any other way. I thank them both with all my love for the purest form of love and care that anyone could ever hope to have.

So, as usual, I went in with my "See ya in 2 minutes" philosophy and with my dad's Two Feathers in hand, along with my chanting music playing on my iPod; all was well and all went well. I thank my family, friends, neighbors and co-workers for all your prayers, good wishes, jokes and love. It really does make a difference in my life.

P.S. Special thanks to 'Julie-Bunny' for bringing mom and Hil S.Bux and goodies to the waiting room. MWAH!

Pre-Op, Post-Op: It's All Good!

To digress slightly, there have been some medical appointments as of late that have seemingly come in a pack of 3 - like socks, iTune gift cards and a really nice set of pens.

Doctors, follow-up appointments, pre-op surgical consultations and the post-chemo early Herceptin Echocardiogram to make sure the 'ol ticker is still in good shape has been on the menu. A cornucopia (excuse the Fall, but timely reference), of all-important appointments in the land of cancer and surgery.

First stop, Dr. Grafton, my general surgeon, whom I see every 3 months for the post-mastectomy show-and-tell where she inevitably brings another professional into the room to say the predictable "See, isn't this wonderful? Look at that!" And she doesn't, at all, do this out of the need to boast or brag about her uber-surgeon-skillful-work but rather, to connect with her patients and show her sensitivity towards the aftermath of a double-mastectomy. And also as usual for her was the mid-sentence conversation we had the second she walked through the door - "So, I just came home at 1:00 this morning, guys because I had to go back East on a college tour for my oldest..." aaannnnd we're off! Accompanying her was my 'Nurse Navigator' (I do not make these titles up!) whom I call my 'Nurse GPS' - Tammy Stockero from the Cancer Center of Santa Barbara (LUV her!!) who happened to be in Dr. Grafton's office so she popped in on the post-mastectomy-surgical-party! 20 minutes later, we were all laughing, joking and hugging-it-out and forgetting all about the Big C!

Next stop, was my pre-op final breast reconstruction appointment with the ever-talented Dr. Julio Soares, plastic surgeon. Yep, the time has fallen upon me as I'm going in to get these #$%&!# breast expanders and magnet ports removed once and for all and to have the new FDA approved breast implants, AKA, the 'New Girls' (which I've already named), take up residence in my post-mastectomy chest. FDA regulated this, 425cc's that, skin sparing this, blah, blah surgical-talk blah. BUT....the silver lining (yes, that's how I'm calling it) is that this is my final surgery and BOOOONUUUSSS.... I got thrown in a complimentary Latisse eyelash prescription treatment (my other choice was Botox - noooo thanks!) to help these chemo affected eyelashes grow and thicken. But in all seriousness, my appointment with Dr. Soares goes as it always does - with sensitivity, kindness, respect and a heart-to-heart about the breast cancer journey. And as always, Dr. Soares and Hil get into a deep but enthusiastic convo about cameras, lenses, lighting, megapixels, filters and the like, all the while I stand there getting my breasts measured with some cold metal instrument as he declares my numbers for the nurse to record. AHEM.... helllllooo people, I'm in a gown, with it opened in the front - can we move the Canon 60D dialogue along and out into the hallway?! Yeah, thanks!

Last stop, was my post-chemo, 6-month cardiac follow-up with my previous technician Kim who loves to distract my wooshy doppler ultrasound experience with stories about her teenage daughter and the challenges of pubescent technology and the lack of face-to-face communication (and I thought breast cancer was a challenge? - ha!). But, 30 minutes later, she said I had a "beautiful heart" and that there was absolutely nothing for me to be concerned about. So, we bid each other adieu with a "See ya in 6 months!" and that was that. But, all in all, it was good to know that the Herceptin hasn't done a thing to my favorite bodily organ! And in fact, laying in the dim light on a massage-like table was kind of like taking a mid-afternoon nap which apparently me and my heart needed.


In the end, I hope to marvel at the new me. Walk proud. Be courageous in all matters of importance and carry on as if this were a tiny blip on the radar screen of my life. Can I hear a big Woot! Woot! please?!

Herceptin #10: Meet Chris!

I knew right out of the gate that I wanted to dedicate this treatment to my second cousin, Chris (and Aunt Charlotte's grandson), who was recently diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. The son of my fabulous, first cousin, Deidre who lives 'one canyon over' from my mom up in the Monterey area - Chris is a true champ in every sense of the word.

A 15-year old teenager and a boy of few words, Chris has already shown quiet determination (totally genetic!) as he just completed this week's first round of 7/8 days of chemo (insert a loud round of applause here!). And of course, he is amazing and blowing away his team of doctors and medical staff up at Stanford already! Surgery - check. No nausea - check. Good appetite - check. Great attitude - double check.

Instead, Chris prefers to occupy his time with matters of great importance for a teenage boy, like listening to music, watching TV and gaming on his iPad during treatment. And while he and his family spend nearly 4 hours each day driving up to Stanford for his chemo, not a peep or a complaint is heard. Instead, Chris is simply doing the job that's been set before him by his fab medical team along with a great spirit.

And as I continue to stay in close contact with my cousin, I realize that I can really learn some things from my chemo comrade, Chris - like doing what I need to do right now and taking myself less seriously. I even told my cousin Deidre that I wish I could face my own life with cancer like a 15-year old boy - maybe I can. So, I will most definitely make every attempt to channel Chris a little more as I enter into another surgery next week and 7 more months of infusions.

So, join me in honoring Chris - an inspiration and a 15-year old force to be reckoned with!

Bald Solidarity!

I finally gave in and shaved Hil's head after months of her begging me to allow this act of solidarity. I simply couldn't bear it at the beginning of chemo as it only represented illness to me. But now that I'm on the other side of that part of treatment and feeling much better physically and emotionally, I volunteered to give her the Buddha look she was desiring a few nights ago (thank you Amy & Matt for the shaver!).  I am over the moon with her new look and this immense act of love and support! Here's a few more pics that I captured of her today. WOW, right?!

A nod to a true beauty...

In contemplation as always...

With our backyard Buddha. Lots of prayers these days...

Thanks to Buddha for answering our prayers...

A WORD FROM HIL... 

I've been so touched by Yog's bravery throughout this entire breast cancer journey and especially her willingness to embrace her beautiful baldness by walking out courageously in public without any hair covering.  Throughout this process, I have noticed how people, both young and old, would stare at her and I just wanted to protect her and shield her from all judgement.  So when in choosing to shave my head, I wanted to not only provide a buffer for her but to also walk in unity with her in as much as I could, not having gone through the experience of cancer, myself.  I also wanted to know what it was like to walk in her shoes, if only through the semblance of a bald head.  And since last Thursday, which was B-day (no, not birthday but rather my personal Bald-day) I have undergone an enormous emotional and spiritual change.  What was intended as a supportive gesture to Yog has ended up being a wonderful gift to me.  I feel stronger, more powerful as a woman, more vulnerable, and feel stripped of some of my ego. I never expected to receive the gifts I have from this simple act of a head shave but I'm glad I did it and am glad that Yog was the one to shave it for me....She is the brave one!