R is for Remission!

'Nuff said!

(Dr. G. is so shy but truly excited to use the 'R' word!)

Flying Solo with Herceptin

Although it's been some time since my last blog entry, cancer, chemo and Herceptin are always on the forefront of my mind. And after finishing 6 rounds of chemo, a bout with bronchitis and now the flu, I remain grateful for all the good medicine that comes my way.

Officially, next Tuesday will mark my 9th treatment total and my 3rd solo Herceptin infusion which takes less than 2 hrs. from my pre-treatment appointment with my oncologist, a chat and check-up with his fab P.A. Amanda, and the dreaded weigh-in. A far cry from the 6 plus hours I used to spend in the cancer center. And although I'm nearly 40 lbs. lighter, I still beg the nurse to skip that part and negotiate at least 2 lbs. less due to clothes and a meal in my belly. She usually gives in and now says, "Okay, minus 2 lbs, that makes....." Thank you Martha!

As for the wonderful support people in my life, I count myself extremely fortunate to have good friends and neighbors helping out along the way. Deb and Sam (my beanie pal across the street) drove me to my first solo Herceptin treatment in August and provided great company to me. Afterwards, we even fit in a quick stop at the beach on the way home to get a whiff of that great ocean air and take in some of those magical negative ions to enhance the mood.

So, even though I have 8 months left of infusions for the 'ol veins to endure, I count my lucky stars that my 'Pac Man Medicine' (my visualization) is doing its thing to implode those cancer cells. So, thank you Herceptin, thank you Dr. Michael Press for discovering this miraculous medicine that's giving me my cure and thank you Cancer Center of Santa Barbara.

Grateful indeed.

Re-Entry to Work!

I've always had a special affinity towards the butterfly (Mariposa), but this week proved that even more for me. After being home for nearly 6 weeks recovering from surgeries and some emotional adjustment, I returned to work by attending a two day training hosted by the agency I work with - The Mariposas Project.

To say re-entry went more smoothly than I had ever imagined would be an understatement. I was welcomed with open arms, a roomful of love, support and a sea of smiling, welcoming faces thanks to my new work family (AKA, the 'Mariposas Family')! I was lifted to a new level of recovery and suddenly the pain subsided, if only for minutes at a time, but diminished nonetheless. A sense of calm washed over me like a beautiful waterfall thanks to my Mariposa's 'posse.' And by posse, I mean a group of nearly 40 remarkable and giving women; from administrators to speech therapists, developmental specialists, physical therapists, occupational therapists and of course, my boss (AKA, 'Saint Silvia of Argentina').

My superior ('SS' - Saint Silvia) cringes when I call her that because she is such a humbling, unassuming and unpretentious individual. Authentic as they come. And because this is the 'House that Silvia Built' - she literally hand-picked and attracted THE most amazing group of selfless and talented therapists that I have ever met in my 25 years of working.

So, to my 'Mariposas Family' - I say a gracious thank you for rallying around me these past couple of months and for being the cornerstone of the best work environment I have ever experienced. And to Silvia, whom I can't seem to thank enough, I can only simply say, gracias mi amiga!

Goodbye to Caregiver #3: ALA!

CLICK ON THE PICTURE TO START THE SLIDESHOW!

Yet again, I had to say another goodbye to a loving caregiver. Seriously, it simply never changes. I still have such a difficult time with the farewells and the parting of the ways. But, it's just how it goes these days.

This time, a dear 'ol friend of Hil's family of nearly 30 years came for a weekly shift. We lovingly call her 'Aleesh' in spite of the fact that her official namesake is Alicia. And fortunately, all three of us have forged an amazing bond and friendship over the years and we are proud to call her our friend/sister/family.

And, of course, when all of 'this' came up, Aleesh immediately cleared her busy professional/work schedule to come down for a 'watch.' 

In usual Aleesh style, my 'Sagittarius Sister' promptly kicked it into high gear the minute she walked through our front door. Big hugs and tears - check. Unpack - check. Change clothes - check. Survey fridge and cabinets for food items - check. Make a menu for the week - check.  Make a list of house items to do and fix - check. Check on my med schedule - check. Re-alphabetize spices - check.

We know these things about Aleesh because we were all roommates 15 years ago. And, because poor Hil had to reside with two OCD, overly-organized Sagittarians (all like-silverware load this way into the dishwasher, coffee items in this cabinet, mail center at the end of the dining room). Poor thing, we still laugh about our 'ways' and give Hil the credit she deserves for putting up with our absurd ways back then.

And there you have it. We all swiftly fell into our familiar routine.

'ALA' (that's Ilocano for 'Hey!' 'Oh God!' 'You've got to be kidding!', etc) became the word of the week and now I can't seem to stop saying it. I even throw my head back or shake it as Aleesh does for additional measure. The dog food lid fell onto the floor - 'ALA!' The phone is ringing and I'm down stairs - 'ALA!' I forgot to text a friend back from last week - 'ALA!' It's just so fitting to so many situations.

But in all seriousness, I have never met someone so selfless, giving, loving & caring. She is tender- hearted and benevolent. She does things for others (and animals) because that's what her heart leads her to do. She is a humanitarian and contributor to all things, animals and people and I can't find the words to thank her enough for her time in caring for me. 

I turned a corner last week - part of that was due to time but I also attribute part of my progress to her. She uplifted my spirit and for that, I am eternally grateful.

ALA! How to say thanks? I just don't know. So again, I simply say 'Thank you dear friend. Enormous gratitude for, well, simply being Aleesh.'

"She's Down! She's Down!"

Susan going into triage mode!

As my sister would say, "Only you Yog, only you." And I had hoped that this journey would be free of a 'Yog incident' but apparently I just couldn't escape one; two days before the big surgery was my time! And now that you've officially met Susan and Sydney (AKA S & S), it might be time to come clean about such an incident and give you a little pre-surgery back story.

So, after seeing the plastic surgeon 3 weeks ago and meeting S & S for tea and dinner, they invited us back to their house to pick up some post-surgery items to help me out. We followed our new Cancer Concierge friends home and parked in their long driveway. As I squeezed out of the passenger seat (that was parked mighty close to their driveway column), I felt my right foot slipping off of their driveway and into a garden area. Feeling myself falling backwards, I saw a shadow in the dark that looked like a 'limb' so I grabbed onto it to help my body stay upright. As I quickly clutched onto it and as my momentum was pulling me backwards towards the ground, I couldn't seem to stop myself from falling back. Then, I felt needles in my hand as it slid down the 'branch' (AKA, cactus plant!). 'LET GO! LET IT GO YOG!' is all I heard screaming in my head. Falling back, I was suddenly aware that my left arm was going down on the driveway which I felt I needed to protect immediately since I had an armpit of stitches from lymph node surgery the day before. I tossed my iPhone onto the cement and landed straight down on my hand and elbow in the middle of our friend's cactus garden. YIKES! What was poking me underneath?

Hil came running around the car, while Sydney (still recovering from reconstruction surgery 3 weeks earlier) starts yelling at Susan parked ahead of us! "She's down! She's down!" Immediately, Hil ran over to me in the dark (mind you, she NEVER swears, and even when she does, it sounds so weak that I usually rate her - 4.5, 3.0, 6.5!), when I was greeted with her screaming at me as she knelt down beside me - "Gah Yog - WHAT THE HELL?! WHAT THE HELL?!" Shocked, I said, "Why are you yelling at me?" "I'M NOT!" (still heard yelling!). In the meantime, Susan, calmly walks towards us saying, "What do you mean she's down?"

Not able to roll over on my left side back onto the driveway because of my soreness from the surgery and not wanting to roll over to my right into more of the cactus garden, all I could think about were the thorns in my hand and whatever was poking me on my backside. Eventually, Hil got in front of me so that I could wrap one arm around her neck as Susan pushed with all of her might from behind me on the slanted driveway. Finally, they got me back up onto the cement and in a standing position. Whew!

I hobbled into the house with all three of them surrounding me in order to sit me down, when Sydney and Susan promptly went into triage mode (man, that nursing action is impressive!).  And may I say that it was so handy to have a nurse and a wound-care specialist on hand during this type of situation. Sydney got me my pain meds, Susan pulled out her soft-sided, red, wound care suitcase and swiftly went into I'm-on-Survivor-and-I'm-a-bad-ass-girl-scout mode. She immediately started washing my hands with antiseptic, brushing the cactus thorns off, unzipping my sweatshirt to take it off to tie an icepack to my hip with it while checking my stitches and giving me arnica to keep my hip from bruising (too late!). Sydney handed me a glass of water and my Norco prescription, while Hil kept comforting me from behind - this new 'Healing Dream Team' was kicking booty on my newest problem. Within minutes, we were all roaring with laughter, cracking jokes, feeding their dogs while doing a lemme-show-you-my-new-breast reconstruction-show-and-tell-session.

All in all, this crazy incident lightened my mental load and gave hope that on the other side of this in less than 24 hours, there would be life to live that was full of fun, laughter, friends and inevitably, another 'Yog Incident.' (I did not disappoint sister! Did not.)

More Goodbyes! OYE!

2 Moms, 3 weeks, 2 goodbyes - enough already! I can't take this anymore! Just when I get used to having a mom in the house, they leave. The nerve of them, getting back to their own lives. And just because Cherie (AKA 'Mama') isn't my biological mom (Hil has claim to her), she's a mom nonetheless. And just as I was resurrecting from the surgical aftermath, she showed up in the nick of time after my mom returned to her own life. Chief cook, dishwashing maven and ruler of the laundry piles, Mama's got some mad caretaking skills. But, mid-week, she fell into the pain abyss alongside Hil and I as the three of us pulled an all-nighter when I spiraled down through the 'breast expander incident' (don't know what else to call that hell-ish episode). And after we all rebounded from THAT (I refuse to say it again!), she quietly and casually returned to her house-attendant responsibilities without missing a beat. So, a big shout-out to Hil's mom, Cherie, Mama, Caretaker Concierge for volunteering her time, her love and her heart! Forever grateful!

Saying Goodbye to My Mom

I don't care how old you are or how independent you are from your parents, we still need them in the toughest and darkest times. So, when it came time for my mom to leave after almost 2 weeks, I just couldn't hold back the tears. I knew she needed to go but plain and simple, I just didn't want to let go of her. She helped nurse me back through one of the most emotionally and physically difficult times of my life. She helped me get up, sit down, changed my drains, propped my pillows, fed me, went to doctor's appointments with me, slept on the couch next to me because I couldn't make it upstairs, gave Hil the breaks she desperately needed, woke up every 2-4 hrs. to check on me, walked me to the bathroom and gave me my medicine. But mainly, she just nurtured and loved me with her constant hugs and sitting next to me even when I was sleeping with just holding my hand. I still shed a tear every day because I miss her so much and am so grateful for her. How can a daughter ever say thank you to a mom for simply being a mom. There are no words to express my gratitude. So for now, I simply say an eternal thank you mom, I love you and I look forward to our nightly Skype chat to say goodnight.

Home, Sweet, Home

Coming home from the hospital was both exciting and a wee bit terrifying. But the beautiful drive home from Santa Barbara to Ventura made up for any angst that I might have been feeling. The ocean couldn't be any more sparkly and the sun was beaming its brightest yellow on this momentous day.

After arriving home, we realized that climbing the flight of stairs to the bedroom was not an option so, setting up 'Operation Recovery' downstairs on the couch was the next best option. Here, I'm at arm's length to everything necessary. And I was so excited on my first day back that I walked outside to greet more sun and make my way to our mailbox on this glorious day.  It kind of set me back a couple of days, but it was well worth the sidewalk stroll.

In the the meantime, camping out on the couch downstairs has allowed my mom and Hil the opportunity to keep a watchful eye on me and poke fun at my newest diagnosis - narcolepsy. Apparently, I fall asleep at the snap of a finger these days so please don't take it personally if I'm mid-sentence with you and you hear nothing in return from me except for a little heavy breathing. But no worries, I'll eventually wake up and join back in on the conversation.

But for now, nothing else matters to me because - I'm home.